The Weasel King ([info]theweaselking) wrote,
@ 2006-08-03 15:00:00
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Hey, look! Ohio! Who is surprised?

A suburban Cleveland man accused of sexually assaulting nine disabled boys told a judge Wednesday that his apartment was a religious sanctuary where smoking marijuana and having sex with children are sacred rituals protected by civil rights laws.

The admitted pedophile offered a surprising defense Wednesday to 74 charges of rape, drugs and pandering obscenity to minors.

Appearing in an Ohio court for a pretrial hearing, Phillip Distasio, 34, of Rocky River, Ohio, said he was a pedophile.

He told the judge, "I'm a pedophile. I've been a pedophile for 20 years. The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

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[info]mrbankies
2006-08-03 07:10 pm UTC (link)
Dude better hope he can cop to an insanity plea and get committed. He won't last 24 hours in the slam.

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[info]missysedai
2006-08-03 07:13 pm UTC (link)
He won't last 24 hours in the slam.

Oh, he might last a few days. But you can bet, he's going to be bent over by every Bubba Bigfoot that can lay hands on him until they've fucked him to death.

A fitting punishment, if you ask me.

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[info]anivair
2006-08-03 09:53 pm UTC (link)
Most of hte time, when they get child rapists in jail, they take their eyes.

I'd love to see that trial.

"I've been an eye remover for years and i think it's time people started taking my ocular absence ministry seriously".

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[info]missysedai
2006-08-03 11:00 pm UTC (link)
I would totally stand up for that guy.

Yes, yes, I know vigilante justice is wrong, but when it comes to kids, I'm willing to throw all that shit right out the window. Probably has something to do with having kids myself.

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[info]mzdemonique
2006-08-03 07:12 pm UTC (link)
OMG... See THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I WANT TO MOVE! Somewhere intelligent and liberal PLEASE!?

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[info]missysedai
2006-08-03 07:15 pm UTC (link)
Come to Toledo. We're largely Democratic, Union and pretty gay friendly. Yeah, there are a few pockets of fucked up looneytoons, but you get those everywhere.

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[info]toku666
2006-08-03 10:30 pm UTC (link)
Sounds like you just described Columbus.

In fact, I'd have to say it's more gay-friendly than Toledo.

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[info]missysedai
2006-08-03 11:06 pm UTC (link)
I seem to recall a survey being done that named Columbus the second or third gay friendliest city in the nation. Which was kind of surprising.

But Toledo is cool. I like it here.

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[info]unnamed525
2006-08-03 09:08 pm UTC (link)
Columbus is pretty liberal ... look at the Short North and we do have a Pride Parade every year.

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[info]anivair
2006-08-03 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Agreed. Cleveland is way more fucked up than we are (though in the city proper they're hard core progressive, i think that they probably meant one of the crappy wayside towns that time forgot within ten minutes of cleveland, of which there are somehtign like a billion).

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[info]mzdemonique
2006-08-04 12:44 pm UTC (link)
And yet the marriage amendment passed by an overwhelming margin... and Ohio has a proposal to start the process of overturning Roe vs Wade in the Supreme Court.

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[info]scifantasy
2006-08-03 07:33 pm UTC (link)
"The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

Then, you may want to consider a plea bargain. Because otherwise, your case is going to be in the courtroom, and by the end of it, no jury on earth will acquit you.

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[info]duncan_blkthrne
2006-08-03 08:04 pm UTC (link)
Somebody needs killing, and needs it badly.

I'm just sayin'..

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[info]anton_p_nym
2006-08-03 08:04 pm UTC (link)
A minor correction for Evil Uncle Ernie here: "The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can give informed consent to sex." And that's exactly correct; I don't think that any minor I've met could really understand the consequences of what they would be "consenting" to in this case.

It would be as fair to say that the folks who got hosed by Enron gave their concent for that buggery, too.

-- Steve's thinking that there's a lot of adults who really don't get the concept of "consequences of sex" either, but our system assumes that it's their responsibility after a certain age.

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[info]me_not_you
2006-08-04 12:43 am UTC (link)
Look carefully at the article, he is accused of raping 7 autistic boys. Can we say his arguement is about the dumbest I've seen in a while? Autistic people cannot communicate effectively, so how was he supposed to get consent? He's just a crazy loon(at best) and is going to be spending a very long time in jail

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[info]anton_p_nym
2006-08-04 12:47 am UTC (link)
Ooh. I missed that part. Well, then, there's nothing left but to roll him in bread crumbs and lower him into the fryer.

-- Steve absolutely, positively hates those who hide their exploitation of the helpless behind a thin veil they choose to call "faith".

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[info]psyco_path
2006-08-03 08:24 pm UTC (link)
At this point I surrender.

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[info]spartonian
2006-08-03 08:58 pm UTC (link)
Does Fark have an "Ohio" tag? It should. It seems like it competes with Florida on an almost daily basis for batshit fucking insane stories.

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[info]theweaselking
2006-08-03 09:55 pm UTC (link)
They've been discussing adding an "Ohio" tag for a while, since they stopped fluoridating the water or whatever the hell happened in Ohio.

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Also ...
[info]unnamed525
2006-08-03 09:09 pm UTC (link)
So what if he's also from Ohio? I'm not responsible for his acts.

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Re: Also ...
[info]theweaselking
2006-08-03 10:01 pm UTC (link)
I'm not blaming you or holding you accountable.

I'm simply noting that it happened in Ohio, and that I'm not surprised at all, because Ohio and Florida contain, it seems, 90% of the crazy people doing crazy shit in the USA.

The fact that there's so much crazy left over after that is a factor I mostly ascribe to the USA's massive population, and lack of a schooling or health care system.

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Re: Also ...
[info]unnamed525
2006-08-03 10:15 pm UTC (link)
I'm also paranoid, so I'm going to chalk it up to Ohio and Florida being test grounds for government mind-control technologies.

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[info]catlin
2006-08-03 10:14 pm UTC (link)
bleh. He even looks like a crazy whacko you don't trust your kids around.

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[info]toku666
2006-08-03 10:33 pm UTC (link)
I'd like to see some kind of solid math on Florida and Ohio being "Crazytown," otherwise...

This kind of shit happens in every state of the Union, even "blessed" strongholds like California and New York. Just because your state is blue doesn't mean you're in some holy forcefielded foxhole against anything.

Besides, why are we even ascribing "liberal" or any other label to the pedophile in question? He's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the fuck beyond that little spectrum. He may be very intelligent, too. He's just really really crazy, and no doubt.

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[info]theweaselking
2006-08-04 12:47 pm UTC (link)
There is no solid math, only the observation that crazy people doing crazy shit *appear* to consistently be in Florida and Ohio.

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[info]caerlas
2006-08-03 11:23 pm UTC (link)
When I lived in Utah, they already had an excellent online registry to help citizens know who in their area was a sex offender. Complete with pictures, car description, etc.

FYI the majority of pedophiles apparently drive white Ford pick-up trucks (at least they do in Utah) and look as strange or stranger than the guy in your photo above.

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[info]sparkindarkness
2006-08-04 12:08 pm UTC (link)
Do you know who I feel sorry for?

His lawyer. How the hell is he going to be able to argue that in court?

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[info]theweaselking
2006-08-04 01:06 pm UTC (link)
Badly?

"Yes, he's not guilty of rape because sex with autistic children is a sacrament of his religion. May I approach the bench? Good. Now that he can't hear me, can I make the official plea 'guilty by reason of insanity', dismiss with the details, and just lock him up in a little box in a psych hospital somewhere?"

Yeah. That'd get you disbarred in a hurry.

I suspect he's going to get a PD, though, and one of those, in Ohio, will probably meet him for the first time at the pleading/bail setting.

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